What to do when a friend is struggling with a miscarriage
Friends and family members often feel helpless and don’t know what to say nor do when their loved one suffers a miscarriage. Clichés such as “You’ll get pregnant again.” Or “The baby wasn’t meant to survive.” just fall flat. They might leave your friend feeling that she cannot express her pain or that her loss is not recognized. It is difficult to support others in times of great emotion, but try to be there for your friend and let her feel her emotions.
Grief is a natural reaction to loss and has no time line. Loss is even experienced differently by each of us based upon our past experiences and attachments.
So what do you say to a loved one who has had such a significant loss?
1. Listen to your friend’s story. We process grief by talking about it -writing and rewriting our stories about our experience. You might need to listen several times. Each retelling helps your friend move through her grief.
2. Acknowledge your friend’s loss and pain. “I am so sorry for your loss.” Or Ask what she feels. “How are you coping?” It might feel uncomfortable for you, but it is what she needs.
3. Reassure her that her feelings are normal and necessary. Grief can feel overwhelming, but it is important to experience all of these powerful emotions.
4. Express concern for both parents. “How is your husband doing?” Both parents-to-be will feel painful loss but may cope with it differently.
5. Allow your friend time. For each of us, processing grief differs. Encourage your friend to be patient.
If you truly feel your loved one is stuck or not recovering after time, please suggest she see a psychologist for additional support.
Dr. Kimberly Evans is a CO licensed psychologist who works with teens & adults to help them get through tough times, make the most of their strengths and to flourish.She works with people adjusting to: trauma, anxiety, depression, post-partum emotions, new family issues, infertility, stress, health concerns or loss of a loved one.
Let Dr. Evans know you found her through Denver Natural Mom and she will offer you the first session at 50% her regular rate. Her office is located in Lowry in the Colorado Women’s Health Center. Learn more about Dr. Evans on her Facebook page or by calling 720.732.4217.